Nobody Cares about You

2011/06/15 in Health, Relationships

To feel that there’s no one in the world who loves you or really cares about you is awful.

 

Psychologists actually have a name for this feeling because it is so common in our society. They call it alienation, and we’ll be using that word throughout this tape. Alienation is actually a number of feelings all rolled into one. It can include loneliness, isolation, rejection, despair, and emptiness, to name just a few. Because there are so many strong feelings involved, it’s often a difficult problem to handle. About the best thing we can do with this feeling of alienation is to find out what’s causing it, and then try to deal with the cause. That’s what we’re going to try, to help you do in this tape.

Probably the most serious kind of alienation comes from being rejected by your parents, or thinking you’ve been rejected by them. You may feel rejected by them because of the way they treat you. You know, if they don’t seem to care what happens to you and never have any time for you. Or, they may constantly yell and scream at you, or punish you too severely. Maybe they’ve actually come right out and said, “I wish you’d never been born,” or “I can’t wait until you’re out of this house.”

It’s pretty hard to think straight about the situation when you’re feeling rejected by your parents. But you’re going to have to do just that in order to figure out what’s really going on. Try to look realistically at what’s happening. What parents do and say when they’re angry is often not what they actually want to do, or really want to say. For example, when they put you down for bad grades, calling you stupid or lazy, you might figure that they really don’t like you. All that’s happening though, is that they’re doing a bad job of communicating their concern over your future. The same thing happens when they explode at you for coming in late. Their worry over what was happening to you while you were out turns into anger when you finally do show up safe.

But what if your parents openly reject you, and you’re sure that they’re not just reacting out of anger? Being rejected by your parents is a tough blow — after all, if they don’t love you, who will? The answer to this question is you. Love yourself. If you can do this, you’ll manage to love through the pain of rejection. After a while, you’ll also realize that no one, but no one, can make you feel rotten about yourself unless you let them.

Feeling that no one loves you, or really cares about you, can also happen when you’ve been rejected by a boyfriend or girlfriend. In the teen years, especially, it’s very important to have someone you can be close to emotionally. Someone with whom you can share your feelings. If you’ve found someone like this, and then lose him or her, it’s only natural that you’ll feel alone, abandoned, and unloved. We have no miracle cure for this. No one does. But maybe it’ll help you to remember that time is on your side. In time. your feelings won’t be quite so intense. Maybe you’ll even be able to use this as a learning experience, and go on to develop a better and more lasting relationship with someone else.

Being alone when everybody else seems to be paired off and having a great time can cause you to feel alienation, too. There are lots of things you can do to meet a guy or girl, but we’re not going to get into them in this tape because we have two other tapes that might help you.

Finally, we’re going to talk about how groups at school can really make you feel alienated if you let them. If you’re not accepted by any one special group, you can be made to feel like an outcast, a real “nothing.” It’s tough being a non-conformist, but if that’s what you have to do in order to be yourself, stick with what you believe in. You’ll be way ahead in the long run. During her high school years, singer and songwriter Janis Ian didn’t belong to any group, and was labeled an “outsider.” She turned to music, and by the time she was 17, had cut a million dollar record. Hers isn’t a freak success story that seldom happens. Studies show that it’s the people who had a tough time of it emotionally as teenagers who are quite successful as adults. Janis Ian sums it all up when she says, “Life is easier as an adult. It’s almost like my body has settled into itself, and I’ve decided I like me just the way I am. It was hard to get here but I’m stronger just because it wasn’t easy.”

Whether you feel alienated because your parents reject you, you’ve lost someone you love, you don’t have anyone you’re close to, or you don’t “belong” at school, it’s a pretty tough thing to handle by yourself. We suggest that you talk to someone about what you’re feeling — someone like a friend, parents or brothers or sisters, a priest or minister, or a counselor or teacher at school with whom you feel comfortable.

Feeling that nobody loves you or cares about you can be awful. We’ve talked about why you may be feeling this way. We’ve suggested that you try, to figure out what’s causing you to feel so bad, and then try, to do something about that. There’s no easy way to get over this feeling, but some things that will help are to learn to love yourself and to be yourself. If you can manage that, you’ll be able to grow from the pain you’re feeling now instead of being paralyzed by it.

For additional support and resources please call our 24-hour Teen Hotline by dialing 2-1-1 or 954-567-8336 (TEEN.)

Teen Tapes is produced by the University of Wisconsin, Madison.